Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
