The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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