Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
