return my video game
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
