My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
