I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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