i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
