She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
