got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
