it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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