Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
