Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
