yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
