between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
