My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
