i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
