you would pick up someone in the library
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
