So drunk its hurt
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
