Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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