It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Welp...herpes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
