Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
