is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
