Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
