i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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