You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
