By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
