Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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