I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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