Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
