You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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