My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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