Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it because I queefed?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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