I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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