he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
