was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
