so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
