Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's the barista slut.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
