He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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