i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You need a sexual gate keeper
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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