It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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