I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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