there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
