Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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