I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
