i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
