May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
