i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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