You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
