Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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