Sry I called you an 8
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
