The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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