She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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