I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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